Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
