i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
