Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
