but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
