There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
