sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you bring me the toilet please
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
