I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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