I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
