Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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