dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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