I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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