I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
