That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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