Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
