Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
