I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
