i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
