No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
