# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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