You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
