OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
