We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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