hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
