I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
