So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
