24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
