I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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