I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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