Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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