Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
