I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
