i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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