I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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