drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
