Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
