you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize