Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
