I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
