just tell him i said nine months
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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