I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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