i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
