Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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