I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
