hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
