Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
