You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
