I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
