It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
