I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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