garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
