Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
