There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
