So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
God, I missed his penis.
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