Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
a search helicopter?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
