I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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