Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
