She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
