If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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