Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
