i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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