I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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