i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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