He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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