Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
