youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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