I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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