It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize