She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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