Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
