Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
