She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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