hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
