hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
