Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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