Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
