I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
