I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
