New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
