he shaved USA in his pubs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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