Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
