We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
