someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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