SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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