just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
