there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Randomize
