How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
