I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize