kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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