I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
