I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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