I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
