Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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