My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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