all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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