I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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