nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
