well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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