I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
