you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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