I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
