My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I faked an abortion last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize