I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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