The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
