Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize