I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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