Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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