pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
