I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
