My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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