Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
