it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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